1. Be about 47 years old.
2. Fall down the stairs and get a huge, ugly bruise on your huge, ugly butt.
3. Three days later, go to the rec center and swim some laps.
4. After your swim, shower off in the public shower. Start off wearing your suit, and then, when you're pretty sure no one else is coming, take your suit off.
5. When three really young, really fit, really pretty young women with three cute babies on their three skinny hips which show no visible signs of trauma come out of nowhere and begin showering next to you, smile at them awkwardly.
6. Decide to be "wacky" and announce: "You're probably all wondering about this horrible bruise on my butt. Well, I'll tell you: I fell down the stairs! Whoo-hoo! Was that ever dumb! And now look at this baby! Did you ever see anything like it?" Show them your butt.
7. Watch as they politely examine your butt, murmuring sympathetically.
8. Laugh. Clear your throat. Hum a little tune.
9. Listen to the simple, quiet sound of water running. Notice the babies are staring at you with consternation.
10. Decide your hair really doesn't need to be conditioned today and get the hell out of there.
Your friend,
(Older and wiser) Aunt Pillowhead
2 comments:
This made me laugh out loud!
Sara
Rats--here I've been hoping to be able to take a shower with three women some day, and now I see it isn't recommended :(
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