Soccer Tort

Saturday, Jeep Boy came home from soccer tryouts. He's played in the same elite club since he was four, and he'll be seventeen in two weeks. Thirteen years of two seasons a year, three or four practices a week, one to four games a weekend.

"How'd you do?" I asked him when he came loping into the living room, his long legs dragging to find their rhythm in that new, lanky gait.

"I'm quitting," he said. "I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm just not feeling it. It's not in me."

"Wow," I said. He'd been toying with the idea of quitting for a while, but I didn't think he'd actually do it. His mom's boyfriend is a former pro soccer player who runs the club Jeep Boy plays in. He committed to coaching Jeep Boy's team this season when Jeep Boy said he didn't like his other coach, and I imagine--well, I know--that in that house, there's more than a little pressure for Jeep Boy to fully dedicate himself to soccer, both as a sport and as a stepping stone to college. The fact that he has amazing natural ability probably makes it even more frustrating to both of them to have watched his interest wane over the last year.

"Well, you've been saying you haven't been so excited about it lately. How's it feel to make that decision?"

He smiled shyly. "Great," he said. "I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. I saw those other kids today who really want it, and who really try hard and take it so seriously. And I'm just not there with that."

"Then good for you," I said. "Good for you for doing what feels right to you."

He clapped his hands together, got up and went into the kitchen to tell his dad.

Perfect Man, of course, was perfect about it. "It's certainly not like you never gave it a shot, honey," he said. "You've been doing this almost your whole life. There are a lot of other things in the world to do, a lot of other ways you can have fun and stay strong."

"Mom thinks I'm just quitting because it got hard," Jeep Boy said. "But that's not it. I just don't want to do it anymore. I think she's disappointed in me."

"Hmm," Perfect Man said.

"But what she thinks doesn't matter," Jeep Boy said.

"Not in this case, it doesn't," Perfect Man said. "This is your decision."

"Yeah," Jeep Boy said, and then, trying out something completely uncharacteristic, he said,
"Screw what she thinks."

"Hey now," Perfect Man said, with perfect reproach. "None of that."

So this is a whole new episode in Jeep Boy's life. He's choosing to remove himself from a sport and a culture that has identified him since he was in pre-school. But bigger than that, this is the very first time I have seen him do something despite his mother's disapproval, and make a decision just for himself. This next year will be so interesting and so different. I wonder where he's headed. I hope it's someplace really good, and I hope there's something I can do along the way to help him get there.